The topics marriage, divorce and adultery are not clearly understood by most Christians. This is a bit surprising because the Bible is actually clear for the most common cases. Unfortunately the church generally has a very poor understanding of the fundamentals of marriage, the consequences of sin, and the result of forgiveness.
The lack of understanding comes from three related factors:
- a desire not to know (because knowing requires change or causes guilt),
- a desire not to teach (because people don't want to hear it taught or teaching causes guilt), and
- an extended period of the above has resulted in very few who know the truth
Complications arise from our strong desires for companionship and sexual union. This creates a desire by some Christians to find a way around the truth and thus find something more appealing. The basis for these new truths generally comes from a belief that people have a right to marital happiness despite what they have done. There is also a belief that God will forgive anything and allow people to continue on the path they were on.
All of this comes together as a topic that is difficult to teach and to hear, but we know sin is waiting so it couldn't be more important.
Study
In marriage, there are two paths, an easy path that pleases God and all the other paths, which look different but are really the same in that they displease God.
The Easy Path
- Look for the best match you can find
- Non-sexual relationships only
- Pray about it, seeking God's guidance
- Accept that this is a lifetime covenant you are entering
- Get married
- Make it work
- Stay true
- Grow old together
This study should be able to end here and be the shortest study ever. Unfortunately so many are not following God's way that it's necessary to dig into all of the complications, and the minefield of adulteries that goes with them.
For those who don't take the easy path life is like a minefield. Some of the critical factors are hidden, sometimes within the other person but sometimes as things you don't know or accept about yourself. The result can be that you think everything is good, when it isn't. You may be committing adultery and not be aware of it. We'll cover this in more detail later.
For Non-believers
A short note is necessary before we get started. This document will only address believers, and believers who have committed adultery.
If you are an unbeliever, what you read here will inform you. If you follow the easy path you, your family, and friends will have a happy life. You have a bigger problem however - God is not pleased by anything you do. You need to work on that first.
What is Marriage?
When asked this question most people would describe it as an event where a priest, preacher, justice of the peace, or sea captain officiates. The bride and groom make some promises of love to each other. The official says some words, some papers are signed and, there you are, married.
Other people might describe it as a relationship, when two people love each other and want to have a permanent relationship.
Both of these miss the foundation of marriage. It is a covenant (legal agreement) between a man and a woman with God as the mediator. Our God is a God of covenants. He has created many and each has different characteristics. Some covenants are more like promises to a person or group of people. Other covenants have entrance requirements and maintenance requirements.
The marriage covenant is most like the new covenant that Jesus put in place. That covenant has the entrance requirements, "believe", "repent", and "be baptized". Without those a person cannot enter. It also has maintenance requirements, 'continue to believe", "represent yourself as a believer (married)", and "no mortal sin".
The marriage covenant has the entrance requirement:
- one man and one woman
- sufficiently distant in lineage
- This was added after the flood
It also has the maintenance requirement:
- no adultery
- when either person dies, the covenant ends and no part of it continues
The benefits from the covenant are:
- a sexual relationship between the two is allowed, even encouraged
- each party owes a duty of love to the other
Sex does not define or create marriage. If two people have a sexual relationship, that does not mean they are married. But if two people have that relationship, they are either married or adulterers.[…] the two of them shall be one flesh (Matthew 19:5)
The covenant defines Biblical marriage and God is the author of that covenant. Here is a key misunderstanding. God is not like men who make covenants. When a lawyer prepares a covenant and accepts the signatures, he has no idea if the parties intend to fulfill the terms of the covenant. God does … and he will not author a covenant between two people when one or both do not intend to be bound by it. Later on we'll see how that plays out in the words of Jesus and the apostles.
Multiple Marriages
Note carefully that these terms do not preclude multiple marriages. God has nothing against multiple marriages. They were even a necessity when too many men died in battle.
God has nothing against multiple marriages and that did not change with the New Testament. We see an example of that when Paul sets a single marriage as the qualification for an Elder in the church.8 I also gave you your master's house and your master's wives into your care, and I gave you the house of Israel and Judah; and if that had been too little, I would have added to you many more things like these! (2 Samuel 12:8)
Paul does not apply this one-wife requirement to everyone in the church. The only reason to bother to mention it would be that there are people with multiple marriages in the church. If everyone had only one wife there would be no point in bringing it up.2 And an elder ought to be one in whom no fault is found and is the husband of one woman, is of a vigilant mind, sober, orderly, loves strangers and is a teacher. (1 Timothy 3:2)
We have to wonder how a man with more than one wife can have any time to dedicate to being a leader in the church? Perhaps this is the source of Paul's concern for elders in the church.
Even though God has nothing against multiple marriages, polygamy (both polygyny and polyandry) are wrong for us because it is necessary for us to obey the laws of our society. In most Western countries the laws of the country forbid it.
It also needs to be understood that multiple marriages are not multiple partner relationships. Instead they are a collection of one man / one woman marriages.
Civil Laws
Some of the confusion about marriages is due to there being a second definition of marriage coming from civil laws. Only in recent times have governments become involved in marriage, but now they dictate laws about marriage that conflict with God's laws.
The civil laws can set society's standards for when people can get married, who can get married, who can perform the ceremony, where it is performed, the requirements for registration, and other aspects. As Christians we are required to obey the civil laws but that does not mean those laws are God's laws.
God is not the least bit interested in what the civil law says about who is married or not. They can allow a dog and a cat to marry for all God cares. He set the only definition of marriage that matters.
Unbelievers
The Bible doesn't deal with the question of whether God considers unbelievers to be in a marriage covenant. The answer is probably that it doesn't matter. They are estranged from God and unacceptable to him.
More Than a Covenant
There is more to a marriage than a covenant, of course.
- They each sacrifice themselves for the other
- Paul talks about each person owning the other person
- "A wife is not authorized over her body, but her husband is. In this way also a man is not authorized over his body, but his wife is." (1 Corinthians 7:4)
- They support each other, at all times
- They are as open with each other as possible
- United together they create a special place where they share a life, their deepest secrets, desires, and goals.
- This creates the environment that is best for raising children
- They keep other people outside of this special place
- They defend each other against attacks from the outside
- It is a relationship that should grow in the special kind of love of marriage
- "Let a man bestow to his wife the love that is owed; in this way also, the woman to her husband." (1 Corinthians 7:3)
- Summary: Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman to give themselves to each other for the rest of their lives and to be unified in a new relationship and to build on that relationship. This God blesses
- Love is not a Biblical requirement to start a marriage
- We should all love one another as God loves us, but in a marriage a new kind of love grows
- The kind of love in a marriage should grow in a marriage
- "Moonstruck partners pledging eternal love may be the current definition of marriage, but this starry-eyed picture has relatively modern origins."1
- Jews, and many other people, frequently had arranged marriages
- The two people honored their fathers and mothers and entered into marriage
- They learned to love each other
When Does a Marriage Begin?
A marriage begins when a man and a woman agree to the terms of the covenant. Obviously they must be old enough and have the mental faculties to understand the terms of the covenant. The Bible also indicates that puberty is necessary for it to be meaningful.
There is no need for a priest, preacher, justice of the peace, or sea captain. There is no need for a church or ceremony either. Adam and Eve didn't have a church or ceremony. However, it is good to receive the blessing of your congregation and community.
The church can play an important role, however. It can teach the couple about the terms of the covenant.
It's also necessary to ensure that everyone knows about the marriage. There is a problem in the relationship if two people consider themselves married but are hiding it from everyone. A public ceremony helps in this regard as does a ring or other culturally accepted sign.
It is also necessary for the Christian to obey the laws of the land (unless they conflict with the laws of God).
Deceitful Marriage
We've stated previously that the marriage covenant is a lifelong covenant. What happens if a person enters into a marriage deceitfully? For example, he says it will last for a lifetime, but in his heart he knows there are conditions under which he will leave.
The answer comes from Leviticus 19:5-8. In these verses God is providing instructions for a specific kind of sacrifice in which the person eats part of the sacrifice. God says it can be eaten on the 1st day or the 2nd day after the sacrifice, but not on the 3rd day. If any of it remains for the 3rd day it is to be burned.
None of that seems to relate to marriage, but it will; hold on. Then God says if anyone eats of it on the 3rd day then the whole sacrifice is rejected. This means, if the person eats it on the 3rd day, then the sacrifice, which occurred at least 2 days earlier, was not acceptable at that time, because of something you would do in the future.
We can iron out the causality problem (future events having effects on past events) by saying God knew the person and his heart and what he would do when he made the sacrifice. Therefore God rejected the sacrifice at the time it was made based on his knowledge of the future. For us, who do not know the future, the message is slightly different. Know yourself and don't enter into covenants when you plan to be careless with the terms or even expect to violate the terms. Such a covenant will not be accepted.
This applies directly to marriage. A marriage covenant may be rejected by God for this same reason - one or the other person has not agreed to the terms. This includes people who agrees to the terms at the start but change their minds in the future. Therefore the spouses may believe they have a God approved marriage when they do not. In fact, every day of it is another day of adultery.
Look at the tragedy this can cause. One of the spouses entered the marriage deceitfully but the other entered truthfully. The one who entered truthfully has lived in adultery from the start without knowing it and only becomes aware of it when the divorce decree is received years later.
This is part of the minefield that was described earlier. It wasn't possible to know the situation and how to avoid sin. The best that can be done is to fight to save the marriage, which is what God would want.
This idea can be hard to grasp. The divorce is the proof that they have been living in adultery from the start. The successful completion of a marriage is the proof that they agreed to the terms. Later on this will be supported with Bible verses.
Forbidden Marriages
Leviticus 18 is commonly understood to be about forbidden marriages and many translations use the word "marriage" instead of "uncovering nakedness". Using "marriage", however, causes confusion. The chapter is really about impropriety, shameful desires having to do with the bodies of other people.
These desires are mostly described as "uncovering nakedness", which also obviously includes having a sexual relationship and therefore includes being married.
This chapter also treats marriage as being closer than a blood relationship. In 18:7 it says, in essence, that seeing your mother naked is seeing your father naked. The reverse would also be true. We understand this Biblically from the concept that "the two become one flesh." Why this would be so is hard to grasp because your mother doesn't look like your father.
A marital relationship is destroyed by death and that can make something lawful that wasn't before. An example comes from 18:16 where a brother's wife is off limits but elsewhere in Leviticus it is required for a brother to marry the wife of his dead brother. Therefore all of the marital relationships described in Leviticus 18 need to be understood in the context of living spouses.
Because Leviticus 18 is not targeted toward marriage it is difficult to pick out the forbidden marriages, which is our goal here. The key element is "blood", where a living marriage is also seen as "blood."
On the basis of "blood" alone, Leviticus rules out marriage to any blood relative within 2 generations either way. Marriage to others based on marriage are also ruled out. In Western countries there are usually laws that also rule out these marriages. Even if those were not present, God has built the same laws into our conscience which we experience as "ick" when we think about them.
In some small population groups, the people have engaged in these outlawed blood marriages with the result being children with defects. For that reason, some people think of the Leviticus laws as God's warning against genetic diseases but it is much more than that.
Sex Before Marriage
The question here is whether it is acceptable, before God, to have a sexual relationship before the date of the wedding. That only seems like a problem until it's realized that a pastor, priest, or captain can't marry anyone. Once that is understood, the question falls back to the original question - have the two people accepted the terms of the covenant.
The "laws of the land" were mentioned before and that can be a tricky area here. In some countries a sexual relationship before the wedding date is a punishable offense. A Christian would never defame the name of Christianity by risking breaking such laws.
When Does a Marriage End?
There is only one natural way to end a marriage - when one party dies. There is more than one way to die though.
It will come as a surprise to most people that dying also includes becoming a believer and even returning to God after a mortal sin. When we turn or return to God we become new people to an extent few people understand. As God sees it, we died or were dead and were born again. All of our commitments, vows, contracts, and marriage covenants are broken. We are made holy and separated from the world.
The Apostle Paul instructs new converts to remain in the positions they were in, if at all possible. This is good advice because the world we live in does not recognize the covenants as broken and will insist that they be fulfilled. The mortgage still needs to be paid.
Another way to die and end a marriage involves adultery, a sin. The Bible is quite clear about adultery but Christians have invented lies to tell themselves so they can feel good about doing what they know is wrong. They may tell themselves that "God wants me to be happy" or that "God loves me more than he hates sin." There is nothing so crazy as lying to yourself and then believing that lie.
Adultery is not special this way. Any mortal sin does the same thing. The result of that sin is your "death", which brings the marriage covenant to an end. If you have more than one marriage covenant, they are all ended.
This helps us understand that the sin that destroys the marriage is not a sin against the spouse but against God, the mediator of the marriage covenant.
What is Adultery?
The 7th commandment from Exodus 20:14 "You shall not commit adultery."
Adultery in English means "voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse". But the Hebrew word includes "lewdness, adultery, fornication, infidelity, prostitution"
Adultery is not what most people think - "cheating" on a spouse by having sexual relations with another person.
We are actually helped to understand adultery through multiple marriages. If a man takes a second wife, he is not committing adultery. His relationship with both wives is not cheating on the other wife.
Adultery does not need to involve a physical sexual act.
When we put all the pieces together, we see that adultery is one of many kinds of sins, and usually a mortal sin. It particularly focuses on sexual relationships. The definition would be "a sexual desire for someone with which there is no marital covenant."27 You have heard that it was spoken, "You shall not commit adultery." 28 But I am saying to you, everyone who looks at a woman so as to lust for her, immediately commits adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:27-28)
All sexual relations outside of marriage, even with yourself, are wrong.
God's Point of View of Divorce
After all the times that Israel rejected him and turned away from him, he never divorced her. He warned her many times for chasing after other gods. When the warnings did no good, he punished her times. Yet, he showed mercy and forgave. It wasn't until his people killed his son that he abandoned his covenant with Israel. Even after all of that, he is determined to fulfill all the promises he made to her."For I hate divorce," says the Lord, the God of Israel (Malachi 2:16)
God expects the same of us in our covenants of marriage.
Paul talks about the end of that covenant:
Even Proverbs conveys the idea of a covenantOr do you not know, my brethren, for I speak to those who know the Written Law, that the Written Law has authority over a man as long as he lives, 2 as a woman is bound by the law to her lord as long as he lives? But if her husband is dead, she has been freed from the Written Law of her husband. 3 But if while her lord lives, she shall leave for another man, she becomes an adulteress to him, but if her lord should die, she has been freed from the Written Law, and she is not an adulteress if another man should have her. (Romans 7:1-3)
That's what God thinks of divorce.To deliver you from the strange woman, from the adulteress who flatters with her words; 17 That leaves the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; (Proverbs 2:16-17)
Marriage Between Believers and Unbelievers
As if this whole business of adultery hasn't been a big enough mess so far, there is another area that needs to be discussed. A believer can have married an unbeliever. This is unacceptable to God and there is no covenant for the marriage.
This marriage may have begun without knowing it was wrong. Such is the state of teaching in the churches. I suppose it's possible that such a marriage began even though the believer knew God said it was wrong. In that case it is a mortal sin.
In Old Testament times the law was that they were not to marry outside of the 12 tribes, God's chosen people. In our time that becomes a command not to marry outside the faith.Do not be associates with those who are unbelievers; for what partnership has righteousness with evil, or what intimacy has light with darkness? 15 What harmony has the Messiah with Satan? What lot has a believer with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement does the Temple of God have with demons? But you are the Temple of the Living God, just as it is said, "I shall dwell in them and I shall walk in them, and I shall be their God, and they shall be a people to me. 17 Because of this, come out from among them and be separated from them, says the Lord Yahweh, and you shall not touch the impure thing, and I shall receive you, 18 And I shall be a Father to you, and you will be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Yahweh, the Almighty." (2 Corinthians 6:14)
In Old Testament times we see what was necessary to correct this problem.
Ezra 10:10-11 Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, "You have been unfaithful and have married foreign wives adding to the guilt of Israel. 11 Now therefore, make confession to the Lord God of your fathers and do His will; and separate yourselves from the peoples of the land and from the foreign wives."
They corrected the problem by "putting away" these wives they never should have taken. This meant that they no longer treated them as wives, including discontinuing sexual relations. They continued to support them and care for them.Ezra 10:18-19 Among the sons of the priests who had married foreign wives were found of the sons of Jeshua the son of Jozadak, and his brothers: Maaseiah, Eliezer, Jarib and Gedaliah. 19 They pledged to put away their wives.
In our time the solution is no different. No amount of asking forgiveness will correct the problem. When (if) the believer comes to understand the problem, it must be dealt with. In our time the unbelieving spouse is unlikely to accept that and may insist on a divorce. This would be a civil divorce.
This is another struggle for Christians to understand. It may seem that God, who hates divorce, now insists on divorce. It needs to be understood that, as far as God sees it, there is no marriage here, no covenant to break.
It's interesting that the Catholic Church recognizes this and allows marriage between people who cannot be married (in the normal sense) as long as they agree that it will be an asexual marriage.
If the believer comes to understand that the marriage should never have happened but decides to continue it anyway, it becomes a mortal sin.
Marriage Between Unbelievers, Then One Becomes a Believer
A special situation arises when only one of the spouses in a worldly marriage becomes a believer. A good thing has happened; an unbeliever has become a believer. Yet the believer now finds he is unequally yoked to an unbeliever.
The answer is quite clear. The reason for the answer is not well understood though, thus people often make mistakes or find ways to twist what they don't understand to make it what they want. Therefore, we'll dig into the reason.
The apostle Paul will begin his instruction on this topic by saying that Jesus has not given him anything to say on this so he is teaching from his understanding of the desires of God. We shouldn't think that we can therefore disregard what he says. Paul is an Apostle, which is an especially close relationship to God. Also, remember that Paul is writing these words under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Paul's instructions to the believer are plain. If the unbeliever is willing to continue the marriage, the believer must stay.I am saying, not my Lord, if there is a brother who has a wife who is an unbeliever and she is willing to stay with him, let him not leave her. 13 And whichever wife has a husband who is not a believer, and he is willing to stay with her, let her not leave her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:12-13)
His words also hint that something deeper is going on here. They imply that, if the unbeliever is unwilling to continue the marriage, then the marriage is dissoluble. It appears Paul is adding another justification for divorce to what Jesus said. That isn't what's happening here, though.
This is all part of Paul's teaching about the new man, a teaching with roots in Judaism. Paul was trained as a Pharisee so he knew this well. Christians tend to understand Paul's new man teaching in a metaphorical way, more as a literary device for teaching an attitude we should have as Christians. For example, when Paul says "you are a new creature." But Paul means it in a very real, consequential way.
As the Jews believed and Paul teaches, when a person becomes a believer, he becomes a new person … as God sees it. Therefore, all the ties the old person had are not ties on the new person. When a man dies, does his neighbor become tied to all that man's commitments? Of course not. In the same way, the new person is not bound to the commitments of the old person.
This is not a divorce; we became a new creation when we accepted Jesus. We died, the old things passed away, the old worldly marriage was broken by the death of the old person.
It isn't that the marriage becomes dissoluble when the unbeliever becomes a believer; instead, the marriage is not binding on the new believer, the new person. Paul will close this passage with other examples of commitments that are not binding on the new man.
For now though he is teaching that they should continue as married - recommit if you prefer those words - if the unbeliever will have it. Paul continues by giving reasons why the believer should recommit.
Do not confuse sanctification with salvation. Sanctification means to live a holy life, a life separated from evil. Paul will talk about salvation a couple verses later. Here he is only saying that a believing spouse will help an unbelieving spouse to live a good life, which isn't nothing. Imagine how wonderful this world would be if everyone would live a sanctified life, even if they didn't believe in Jesus.That man who is an unbeliever is sanctified by the wife who believes, and that woman who is not a believer is sanctified by the husband who believes, otherwise their children are defiled, but now they are pure. (1 Corinthians 7:14)
Here again we see Paul's "new man" teaching. When he says "in such cases" he means cases where a married unbeliever becomes a believer. His point is that the bonds of the old marriage are not present. If the unbelieving spouse will not accept the believing spouse then they can go their own ways and have peace. Once again, this is not a divorce; they are not married.But if he who does not believe separates, let him separate. A brother or sister is not in bondage in such cases. God has called us to peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15)
Earlier Paul had talked about how a believing spouse could sanctify the unbelieving spouse and their children. Now he says the believing spouse may even bring the unbelieving spouse to salvation. Another reason for the believer to recommit to the marriage if possible.For what do you know, woman, if you will save your husband, or you, man, if you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:16)
Paul returns to his "new man" teaching by saying there is a practical reality. Even though God sees the new man as not being bound to the commitments of the old man, society does not. Society still sees it as a marriage for tax reasons or whatever. So Paul says whatever his situation when a person becomes a believer, he must stay in that situation … if possible. Paul repeats this concept a few verses later.But as the Lord Yahweh distributes to each man, howsoever God calls him, let each man walk; and so I command all the churches. (1 Corinthians 7:17)
He is not only talking about marriage now. He is making a more general point about all the commitments of the old man. In the verses that follow, which aren't quoted here, he will also talk about slavery, which he also speaks about in other letters to the churches. If a slave decided he was not a slave and walked away, there would be punishment, perhaps even execution. Paul says to the believing slaves they should stay in their positions. If there is some way they can legally be free, they should work toward that.Let every person continue with God in that in which he is called, brethren. (1 Corinthians 7:24)
In Search of a Loop-hole
Unfortunately there are Christians trying to find loop-holes in God's law that will allow them to leave a marriage that isn't what they want. They commonly use a small part of 1 Corinthians 7:15 to do that. They take "God has called us to peace" as a statement that they can leave an unhappy marriage any time they want. That is absolutely not what Paul is saying.
Related to that, I've also heard some people claim that God wants us to be happy, even claiming that they have a right to marital happiness.
Divorce of Believers
One half of all U.S. marriages end in divorce2. It is often said that the same is true for Christian marriages. But when only active Christians are counted that number drops to one third. But that is still too high.
Unfortunately there is no such thing as divorce by believers. For there to be a "divorce", one or both of them has become an adulterer and is separated from God. This is also not well understood so we will dig into the reasons.
It's important to understand how this discussion starts. Jesus will take it in a different direction, but their question relates to the law that Moses gave the Israelites concerning divorce. They aren't asking if the law is valid. They are asking about the breadth of Moses' law, "for any cause". Somehow they had missed what God said through Malachi, "I hate divorce."The Pharisees came to him and they were testing him, and they were saying, "Is it legal for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?" (Matthew 19:3)
Jesus' points are:But he answered and said to them, "Have you not read that he who made from the beginning, made them male and female?" 5 And he said, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two of them shall be one flesh. Therefore they were not two, but one flesh. The things therefore that God has united let not a man separate." (Matthew 19:4-6)
- male and female were created for each other
- a man will leave the couple who gave birth to him and raised him to be bound to a woman to become a new couple
- the two will become one with the likely outcome of children
- they are united by God and no man has any business breaking that union
The big takeaway here is that they are united by God, not by man. We'll come back to this topic much later.
Jesus has just said that breaking up a marriage is a sin against God. This was not an answer they expected. Jesus has quoted from the Bible, but so have they. and the two appear to be in conflict. So the next question is no surprise.
Jesus is saying that Moses created a civil law divorce for couples who refused to make the marriage work. But there is a catch.They were saying to him, "Why therefore did Moses command to give a writing of divorce and to send her away?" 8 He said to them, "Moses, confronting the callousness of your heart, let you divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so." (Matthew 19:7-8)
In verse 8 Jesus says "Moses let" then in verse 9 he says "But I say." Jesus is establishing himself as being greater than Moses. Remember that Jesus is speaking to Jews here, not Christians. Therefore this is quite a claim.
Moses civil law divorce would allow them and their society to have peace but the consequence is that they would be adulterers if they ever married again. In effect, as God sees it, the marriage isn't over, despite the divorce decree. The divorce decree would allow them to divide the property between them and settle custody matters, just as civil law divorces do in our time. The marriage, however, continues.But I say to you, "Whoever divorces his wife apart from adultery and will take another, commits adultery, and whoever will take her who is divorced commits adultery." (Matthew 19:9)
When Jesus says "apart from adultery" he means adultery is the only exception. We understand him to mean persistent adultery based on God's endurance of the many adulteries of Israel. Therefore there are only two ways to end a marriage, death and persistent adultery. There are no others, despite what some authority might say.
Notice that the man who marries the divorced wife becomes an adulterer. How is it he finds himself in this minefield that was not of his own making? Also realize that this marriage may be years or decades after the divorce. We'll understand this later.
If a person divorces (except due to ongoing adultery) and marries again, the new marriage is an ongoing act of adultery for as long as it lasts
Expedient: convenient and practical, although possibly improper or immoralHis disciples were saying to him, "If the accusations are thus between a man and a wife, it is not expedient to take a wife." (Matthew 19:10)
It would be morally unwise to take a wife in this situation
The disciples make two critical observations here. Jesus has said divorce for ongoing adultery is acceptable; they realize ongoing adultery is uncertain - when is enough enough. Therefore it can't be known for certain if the marriage is really over, as God sees it. It may still be in effect when you think it isn't and you become an adulterer. This is the minefield mentioned above.
Their second point is that it is more important to be without a spouse for the rest of your life than to risk being an adulterer. I wish more Christians took this point of view. God intends for this natural desire for intimacy to pull a separated couple back together.
It is very important to understand what Jesus is saying here. A eunuch is a person who has no sex life or sexual desire. Jesus says some people are born that way. They have no desire for sex. Then Jesus says some "became eunuchs by men." There were men who voluntarily underwent castration to work with the wives of kings and royalty. Then Jesus says some have made themselves eunuchs that they might be part of the Kingdom of Heaven. His point is, divorce requires a person to be as celibate as a eunuch. Adultery is a serious matter.But he said to them, "Not every man can receive this saying, except he to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born so from their mother's womb and there are eunuchs who became eunuchs by men and there are those who have made themselves eunuchs for the cause of the Kingdom of Heaven. Whoever can receive it let him receive it." (Matthew 19:11-12)
In fact, the description here is not of a divorce where re-marriage is possible but of what we would call a separation.
Jesus then says "whoever can receive it" by which he means that this is a tough thing to hear and not everyone is able to live that way. The message is, either live that way or go back to your spouse.
Now that we've worked through the verses a few summary points are in order
Also notice that Jesus makes no mention of forgiveness or sacrifice for sin here. The likely reason is that this is an intentional sin for which no sacrifices were available. See the Appendix: Intentional Sin for more on this.
If you were a man would could afford to have more than one wife, a divorce means that you've had your last wife. A divorce poisons your whole life for the rest of your life. We'll see why that is later.
Jesus speaks on this topic at another place in Matthew. He says essentially the same thing but adds another person to the list of adulterers. In the verses above he said the man would become an adulterer if they married and the man who married the divorced woman would also be an adulterer.
Jesus says that the divorced wife also becomes an adulterer. As mentioned before the marriage was not acceptable to God and never happened. It has been one long string of adulteries.It has been said, "Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a writing of divorce." 32 But I am saying to you that everyone who divorces his wife, apart from the report of fornication, he causes her to commit adultery, and whoever takes her who is divorced is committing adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32)
Paul says the same thing as Jesus but in a shorter form in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 "But those who have wives, I command, not I but my Lord: A wife should not depart from her husband. 11 And if she does depart, let her remain without a husband or let her be reconciled to her husband and let not a man forsake his wife.
Remarriage After Divorce
We've already discussed how a divorce results in both parties being adulterers. Is it possible for them to get married to other people again or even, could they be married to each other again?
The latter part is the easiest to deal with and the answer is no, you cannot marry each other again. You are still married.
The only safe way to marry again is when the other spouse dies physically or spiritually. Physical death is usually easy to confirm; spiritual death, having turned away from God, is impossible to confirm. Thus there is really only one safe way to marry again, when the other spouse dies physically.
Jesus makes the exception for sexual sins but that must be understood in context. He means witnessed (2 or more witnesses), ongoing sin. What he is really describing is how to use physical evidence to prove spiritual death. So, it's still uncertain.
Appendix A - Intentional Sin
Another aspect of this minefield is that it becomes necessary to understand intentional sin and its consequences. Unfortunately most Christians have very little understanding of this and often have wrong understandings about it. There is a detailed lesson about this called Intentional3. Only a quick summary of that will be presented here.
Despite the belief by many Christians that there is nothing they can do that will cause them to "lose their salvation", the Bible teaches otherwise. Some of these places are shown below.
This teaching was so mangled by the Catholic Church that it was thrown out by the Protestants who now treat it as though it didn't exist. It clearly declares that there are two kinds of sin, mortal and not mortal.16 If a man sees his brother who sins a sin that is not worthy of death, let him ask, and life will be given to him for those who are not sinning unto death; for there is mortal sin; I do not say that a man should pray for this. 17 For every evil is sin, and there is sin that is not mortal.
John's words would have been clear to any Jew, but the Catholic Church's understanding of Judaism was so poor that it didn't understand. It set itself the task of defining which sins were mortal according to the understanding of men. The document mentioned above will explain the details but the difference is "intent".
The author of Hebrews is saying there are sins that are intentional (by his will) that separate a person from God. These sins are not special because of the sinful thing that was done but because of the heart that did them. If the person had been told the truth and accepted it (received it, believed it) but willfully chose to do what was wrong, that is an intentional sin.26 For if a man shall sin by his will after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there is no sacrifice to be offered afterward for sins, 27 but that terrible judgment is ready and the zeal of fire which consumes the enemies.
While we might not see that as being so different from unintentional sins, God does.
He says it works just like it did in Moses' law and why would we think otherwise when intentional sin has treated the Son of God so badly. We may not think of it this way but God says the man who does this has28 For if any violated the law of Moses, he would die without mercy by the mouth of two or three witnesses. 29 How much more do you think he will receive capital punishment, he who has trampled upon the Son of God and esteemed the blood of his covenant to be like that of every person, who also was made holy by it, and he has despised the spirit of grace?
- trampled upon the Son of God
- considered the blood of Jesus to be no different than any other person
- has despised the spirit of grace
Such a sin requires repentance which cleans the slate. Unfortunately repentance cleans the whole slate. This is what Ezekiel says about that
But when a righteous man turns away from his righteousness, commits iniquity and does according to all the abominations that a wicked man does, will he live? All his righteous deeds which he has done will not be remembered for his treachery [betrayal of trust] which he has committed and his sin which he has committed; for them he will die. (Ezekiel 18:24)
Repentance brings forgiveness after intentional sin but there is a loss. Say goodbye to all the glory you would have received for the good works (righteous deeds) that you had done.But if the wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed and observes all My statutes and practices justice and righteousness, he shall surely live; he shall not die. 22 All his transgressions which he has committed will not be remembered against him; because of his righteousness which he has practiced, he will live. (Ezekiel 18:21)
All of this relates to our topic in this way. Most believers have received the knowledge that adultery is wrong.
End
1 http://www.livescience.com/37777-histor ... riage.html
2 http://www.christianitytoday.com/edstet ... and-c.html
3 http://OurHope.site/2017-03-19%20Intentional/I.html